My weak decision?

Hi, as you might have read, my name is Carmen. I am a mother of two, a 13 year old daughter, and a 9 year old son. Currently after 15 years working I am taking a break to continue my education. I am an EMT, and I am going to school for cosmetology. I been in the retail industry all my life. When I became and EMT, it was one if my great accomplishments, I was very happy. I started to work for a busy system in the City of Syracuse, and I was doing OK. At the end of my 15 hour days, I was in serious pain, but i got up every morning at 4am to go to work and do it all over again. But the pain got worst, i was barely able to stand on my feet less carry a heavy bag with an oxygen tank. I took a medical leave to address my condition. Resulting that I have arthritis on my back and my knees are deteriorating and I have tendinitis on my wrist. Anyone with arthritis now that pain only gets worst and it never gets better, I started taking medications for the pain that wouldn't allow me to drive the ambulance in the state. So I had to extend my leave indefinitely. My neck started to hurt, along with my ankles, and even so I decided to start going to school for cosmetology more standing up and more wrist work, What was I thinking? I figure I need to continue working on something I like doing but I want to make more for my work, and I want to work when I want to ( when not in pain). Anyways Its been a journey I am half way my journey (http://bbgbeauty.blogspot.com). My brother ended up in the hospital, also my mother. My brother had developed sleepanea, a sleeping disorder mostly on obese people. He weight at almost 600 pounds. He had let himself go. He was in the hospital for many months until he was able to get out he now weights around 550. He can barely walk, or breathe he ended up with a tracheal tube for life or until he gets his weight under control.

 

Now my mother is battling her foot to diabetes in the hospital and they ha to amputate all her toes.

I go trough a lot with them and finally get them into my home and they doing a little better. But its far from over, my mom goes again more times to the hospital and still struggling to keep her leg now in top of everything my boyfriend ends up in the emergency room because of his diabetes. I said to my self no more...

I decided I am not going to end up like them, to this date I don't have diabetes, I might be in the border of Sleepanea, I might already have it. I don't have high cholesterol but my blood pressure is very high and I take medications for these.  I talk to them about loosing weight and that we could do it together, they seem reluctant to the idea of eating less and healthier. I guess I am on my own right now. Each person's health is their own decision. My mom is somewhat supportive, she "tried to keep me under control with sweats" and by trying  i mean she waves them in front of me and says resist the temptations! lol .  My boyfriend has gone so far to the info group and support groups in the area for me and have allow me to expend a little extra on healthy foods. We all know that healthy food is more expensive... but thats another topic. So I went to the information group to gather information about the Gastric Bypass Surgery, and I have learn a lot. I also went online to research, and I been to support groups in the area. I filled my paperwork and submitted to the surgeons. I am awaiting a date to start the process. It should be this week. They called me last week but I was missing my doctors referral, which hopefully they faxed today.  I been on a diet on my own so i can gradually start my transition to better eating. Its been hard. I am limited to 1,400 calories a day, witch is not much compared to what I was eating before.  its like torture, to the point that I don't want to leave my room into the world because everything is food, advertised, in commercials, int he internet, on games, in my kitchen, my family and kids, across the street next door, its everywhere, the temptations are all there, its worst than drugs. And for someone that has been big since a child, and never been restricted on what I can eat because my motto was, "I am going to die anyways might as well die happy" Well, i rather die happy but not suffering restricted to a bed or not able to enjoy life. I want to be able to fit in the roller coaster so when my daughter goes in a date I can follow her and get in the same rides as her and her boyfriend. I want to be able to fit on normal clothes and spend $20 less on a shirt. I want to be able to run after my future grand kids, I want to be able to have a snore free sleep, and wake up energized, I don't want to be afraid of a stroke or diabetes. I want to keep all my limbs, I want to be able to work and make money! I want to be able to wash the dishes with less pain on my back and knees, and I want to be able to go back to being a great EMT and live a long healthy life. And more than anything I want to go to my birth country and shove it on their faces that I was able to loose weight and I ams till beautiful as I was before.  So this is why I decided to do the gastric bypass. Even thou a lot of people say you can do it without the surgery, I might... but YES i am opting for the easier way, where I will have less chance of failure. Once my stomach is smaller, I will able to be full with less food thus being different from now, that I eat less but i am still hungry.  And I don't care if people don't agree with me on doing this surgery, it my decision, and if I am weak for doing it, so be it. 

Pre-Operation: Currently I weight 280 pounds I lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks.  Here are some of my current pics, They are gross, but I want you to have an idea of the real situation and have a visual concept of my progress.

here I have a wig on! lol