December, always a hard month for any diet.

December was a busy month. The holidays are always hard on any diet. There was so much food, that I wanted to eat but if I ate it I would get sick. I wish there was a surgery to remove that from my brain too. The desires for food were really intense. I wanted cake, and sweets, but I knew if I had them I would just get sick. I ate some rice, and puke it. For some reason I  can tolerate chips, which its horrible for me and I have to make sure I choose healthier version of the regular chips. I am so weak for chips. Despite the weakness for chips I lost 20 pounds in the month of December. My major problem is that I have is that i eat too fast, i fail at chewing really good, but them i puke. I am trying to work on my chewing to a paste consistency, but the texture of the food inside my mouth bothers me. The paste consistency makes me want to puke.

Healthy food is expensive. I dont know why, but when I look at prices everything that is better for me is always more expensive, but since I eat less everything equals to the same. Everyone in my house has lost weight because we have to eat healthier versions, so this surgery has affected everyone. I am not going to sugar coated it, it is hard. You get sick if you don't do what you supposed to do, and sometimes you get sick just because... I named my stomach pouch Keith. He has an attitude problem. So whenever something doesn't agree with me, I say "Keith doesn't like it" .

My journey has just begun, and I have to keep reminding myself, that it took 30 years to get this heavy, its going to take time to get skinny. But my sense of instant gratification really messes with me. There are times when i get mad if i don't loose any pounds for the week. But I have to stop myself from that and be happy I don't have to take blood pressure medications, and realize that it takes time.

In July i was 286 pounds, before surgery I was 256, and now i am 236, I lost 50 pounds in 6 months, and I am only one month post op. I should be happy, but sometimes I have to remind myself of all my hard work.